You weren’t there! You don’t know what I went through!

Foreword / Introduction

This is my first poem that’s just from my gut feelings, not like the political ones I usually write. It’s gonna be about my real emotions, so some of these poems might have cuss words, like this one does.

Poem: You weren’t there! You don’t know what I went through! [Confessional poetry]

You see me sitting here, not saying a word, and you think you know who I am.
You think I’m just the shy kid, the one who’s quiet, maybe a little weird or something.
But you don’t see the noise inside my head, the words that are screaming to get out.
You weren’t there for any of it, so don’t act like you understand what my life has been about.

You weren’t there when I had to pack all my stuff in a black garbage bag again and again.
Moving to another house with other strangers who weren’t my mom or my dad.
You didn’t have to learn new rules every few months, trying not to mess up so they wouldn’t get mad.
Just hoping this place would be the last one, but it never, ever was, my friend.

You weren’t there for the silence, the real silence, the kind that swallows you whole.
When I wanted to scream or cry or just say “hi” but my throat was locked tight and I had no control.
It’s a fucking prison inside my own body, with a million things to say and no way to set them free.
So I just sit here, and you just stare, and you think there’s something wrong with me.

You don’t know what it’s like when your brain just freaks out for no reason at all.
Your heart pounds like crazy, and you can’t breathe, and you feel like you’re going to fall.
People are just talking or looking at me and it feels like I’m under a giant, crushing wall.
You tell me to “calm down,” but you weren’t there when the panic started to call.

You weren’t there for the days when everything was gray and heavy and so damn slow.
When getting out of bed felt like lifting a car and I just wanted to let everything go.
That empty, sinking feeling that sucks all the color out of the world, a sad, lonely show.
You say “just be happy,” but that’s a place my mind doesn’t always know how to go.

You weren’t there for the nights in beds that weren’t mine, staring at cracks in the ceiling.
Listening to a family that wasn’t my family, trying to guess what everyone was feeling.
You didn’t have to hide the parts of you that were broken, scared they’d find them unappealing.
Just another kid in the system, another sad story that was barely concealing.

You look at my amber eyes and say they look cool, like a glowing rock or whatever.
But you don’t see all the things they’ve watched, the goodbyes that felt like forever.
You don’t see the faces I’ve tried to forget, the promises that were a “now or never.”
These eyes have seen shit you can’t imagine, things that tie my stomach together.

Yeah, I’m adopted now, and it’s different, and I know I’m supposed to be fine.
I have a room that’s mine and people who won’t leave, a real family this time.
But the ghosts of all the other places are still here, standing right behind me in a line.
You weren’t there, so you don’t know that the past is always, always a part of my design.

So I write it all down, all the hurt and the anger and the stuff I can’t speak out loud.
These poems are my voice, my way of shouting from inside this quiet, lonely cloud.
Every word is a piece of me I couldn’t tell you, a story I’m finally allowed.
This is the only way I can make myself heard in the middle of a crowd.

So please, just stop. Stop trying to fix me or tell me what I should do.
Stop acting like you have any fucking clue what I’ve really been through.
Because you weren’t there for any of it, not a single day, it’s true.
You just see the boy in front of you, but you don’t know the war he fought to get to you.